Affogato Sundaes
- By Katie Roche
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- 18 Mar, 2020
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The quality of this picture is absolutely representative of the state of things when it was taken: I had just returned the night before from a week in San Antonio, TX. The pandemic situation we're looking at right now wasn't really that intense when I left. Everyone still had toilet paper and you could still sit down to dine in restaurants, even Long John Silver's, if you were ever so inclined. (If you've ever been so inclined, would you please reach out? I'd like to interview you...or I guess ask you just one question: why.) I flew out Monday evening and returned Friday evening and in that short time, the world went mad. As such, the ItemQuest for this WOULD HAVE been fairly simple but nothing is simple about grocery shopping these days. What I'm learning from all of this is that if we ever truly do find ourselves in a situation of shortages like those experienced in World War II, we are pretty much screwed because I highly doubt very many of us could plant and yield any harvest from a Victory Garden. The closest we're getting to a Victory Garden is those indoor herb things and that basil you throw out every month isn't a meal. Molly the American Girl Doll is about to become a national hero. Anyway, whether or not I could grow a Victory Garden (the answer is no), gelato isn't something anyone can plant anyway and that was the main ingredient here. Additionally, I required a replacement of Kahlua (used it all LOL), some espresso shots, and chocolate covered espresso beans. I think Dan and I went to four different stores on Saturday and still never found hazelnut gelato, so we went with chocolate and that's that. Chocolate covered espresso beans were found at Trader Joe's, Kahlua at the ABC store next to Kroger.
Now for the part where I had to get espresso. Look...this was an entire nightmare. Dan and I needed to go to Target for a picture frame, so I figured I'd just go to the Starbucks inside of Target and grab four shots of espresso and splash a little cream in them. When I got in the line, there were four people in front of me so I knew it would take a minute but LISTEN. I have worked in a Starbucks alone before. In fact, my second shift after training was by myself in the Starbucks at the Base Exchange on Elmendorf Air Force Base during Frappuccino Happy Hour. But this lady, like everything else in the south, was moving like MOLASSES. I gave up fifteen minutes in when the lady directly in front of me got to the counter and ordered two venti caramel ribbon crunch Frappuccinos "with extra care-uh-mel". I would like to take this moment to beseech each and every one of you to PLEASE, if you are over the age of fifteen, cease ordering such ridiculous beverages. If this is how you drink "coffee", it's time to accept that you don't actually like coffee and just go get a milkshake at Chick Fil A. Ok? So I gave up on Target Starbs and mobile ordered my quad shot to the Starbucks nearest my house. When I worked at Starbucks, I swore I would never mobile order but now that I am a regular person, I realize this is the only possible way to get coffee around these parts without waiting 20+ minutes. (Frappuccino people are ruining it for all of us, seriously.) So anyway, when I got to the Sandhill Starbucks to pick up my espresso, it wasn't finished yet but I could SEE behind the counter that the barista had my shots pouring onto ice cubes which I did not ask for on my order. The POINT of all of this is that the espresso is supposed to be warm. So I had to ask her to make me four more shots, hot ones this time, and I had to try not to be frustrated even though I ordered what is possibly the simplest beverage of them all to assemble. Since Starbucks' set up doesn't even involve hand-tamping or grinding or anything, you literally just push the button with the picture of four demitasse cups on it and four shots come pouring out into the cup you set underneath. Put a lid on it. Done. AND YET, somehow, it still had to be remade.
Now for the part where I had to get espresso. Look...this was an entire nightmare. Dan and I needed to go to Target for a picture frame, so I figured I'd just go to the Starbucks inside of Target and grab four shots of espresso and splash a little cream in them. When I got in the line, there were four people in front of me so I knew it would take a minute but LISTEN. I have worked in a Starbucks alone before. In fact, my second shift after training was by myself in the Starbucks at the Base Exchange on Elmendorf Air Force Base during Frappuccino Happy Hour. But this lady, like everything else in the south, was moving like MOLASSES. I gave up fifteen minutes in when the lady directly in front of me got to the counter and ordered two venti caramel ribbon crunch Frappuccinos "with extra care-uh-mel". I would like to take this moment to beseech each and every one of you to PLEASE, if you are over the age of fifteen, cease ordering such ridiculous beverages. If this is how you drink "coffee", it's time to accept that you don't actually like coffee and just go get a milkshake at Chick Fil A. Ok? So I gave up on Target Starbs and mobile ordered my quad shot to the Starbucks nearest my house. When I worked at Starbucks, I swore I would never mobile order but now that I am a regular person, I realize this is the only possible way to get coffee around these parts without waiting 20+ minutes. (Frappuccino people are ruining it for all of us, seriously.) So anyway, when I got to the Sandhill Starbucks to pick up my espresso, it wasn't finished yet but I could SEE behind the counter that the barista had my shots pouring onto ice cubes which I did not ask for on my order. The POINT of all of this is that the espresso is supposed to be warm. So I had to ask her to make me four more shots, hot ones this time, and I had to try not to be frustrated even though I ordered what is possibly the simplest beverage of them all to assemble. Since Starbucks' set up doesn't even involve hand-tamping or grinding or anything, you literally just push the button with the picture of four demitasse cups on it and four shots come pouring out into the cup you set underneath. Put a lid on it. Done. AND YET, somehow, it still had to be remade.
Given that this "recipe" was literally scooping gelato and pouring liquids over it, this is the only picture I have. My friend Christine came over to eat this espresso soup with me, and was so hyper afterward that I'd like to rename it Accomplishment Sundae. She liked it and ate the whole thing, and I liked it too but I'm not enthusiastic about things becoming melt-y.
I think Ina had a good thought here but affogato sundaes are really best when served at an actual espresso bar, preferably one that serves gelato. I've had some incredible affogato sundaes in my lifetime, and this was nowhere near the best. To her credit, she gives advice on how to brew espresso at home but her instructions are to use 1/3 cup ground espresso and four cups of water in a regular coffee pot. Actual espresso and the quality thereof depends on the grind of your coffee and the speed with which water pours through it - if you've ever heard people talk about espresso in terms of how many seconds it took to pull a double shot, an under-extracted shot is when the grounds were too coarse, resulting in the water speeding through. An over-extracted shot is when the grounds were too fine, and the water took too long to make its way through the grounds in the portafilter. Both do not taste good, and good espresso tastes nothing like what I make in my coffeepot which I rarely use because I'm actually Team Pourover for most coffees.
This wasn't bad. It really wasn't. Coffee is just one of my passion topics and this wasn't great, starting with wanting the integrity of true espresso but only having Starbucks nearby as an option. I would probably never serve this to guests, largely due to the espresso issue, but I WOULD recommend ordering an affogato sundae anywhere you see espresso and gelato being sold together. When done well, it is EXCELLENT. The simplicity was a good thought on Ina's part, but shows her lack of taste when it comes to all things coffee.
I think Ina had a good thought here but affogato sundaes are really best when served at an actual espresso bar, preferably one that serves gelato. I've had some incredible affogato sundaes in my lifetime, and this was nowhere near the best. To her credit, she gives advice on how to brew espresso at home but her instructions are to use 1/3 cup ground espresso and four cups of water in a regular coffee pot. Actual espresso and the quality thereof depends on the grind of your coffee and the speed with which water pours through it - if you've ever heard people talk about espresso in terms of how many seconds it took to pull a double shot, an under-extracted shot is when the grounds were too coarse, resulting in the water speeding through. An over-extracted shot is when the grounds were too fine, and the water took too long to make its way through the grounds in the portafilter. Both do not taste good, and good espresso tastes nothing like what I make in my coffeepot which I rarely use because I'm actually Team Pourover for most coffees.
This wasn't bad. It really wasn't. Coffee is just one of my passion topics and this wasn't great, starting with wanting the integrity of true espresso but only having Starbucks nearby as an option. I would probably never serve this to guests, largely due to the espresso issue, but I WOULD recommend ordering an affogato sundae anywhere you see espresso and gelato being sold together. When done well, it is EXCELLENT. The simplicity was a good thought on Ina's part, but shows her lack of taste when it comes to all things coffee.
For this post, I wanted to combine two summertime flavors into the crisp recipe one of my oldest Alaskan friends passed on to me years ago. Rhubarb, if you're unfamiliar, is a reddish stalk that kind of resembles really big celery. It's very tart and is most commonly paired with strawberry. I've rarely seen it star in its own show dessert-wise, but my friend Kylee has been making rhubarb crisp for years and it's the best crisp I know of. Blueberries are usually in season in late summer; I have not been home for a blueberry season since Dan's last deployment in 2018 so in order to make this recipe I actually used blueberries from a friend's parents' farm in upstate SC! They're a little sweeter than the blueberries I'd have picked at home, but they worked well. I'm going to pretend like I was actually picking blueberries at home in Alaska for the purpose of showing you what that would look like.
I was getting all ready to write this post, going through my process with photos starting in my kitchen when I realized that a lot of my friends probably don't know what fireweed is or where it comes from and this recipe actually starts far, far away from my kitchen. This will be the first of a few posts highlighting iconic Alaskan ingredients. I've wanted to do this for a while because my home inspires me in so many ways, writing and cooking particular among them. Fireweed is a wildflower that is rather ubiquitous in southcentral Alaska and is often considered a gauge for how long summer will last. It is said that when the blooms reach the top of the plant, winter is six weeks away. Whether or not that's accurate, fireweed is found all over in late summer in Alaska. Here is some I spotted in mid-July by Eklutna Lake:
If you know Dan and me very well, you probably know by now that if our life were a sitcom, he'd low-key be the funniest character. Because that is true, I thought I'd include his bottom ten with accompanying remarks before giving the actual bottom ten. His are hilarious, but aren't as legitimate as mine because he actually tried way fewer of these than one might think. I realized as he was flipping through the book that my old coworker Cam probably ate more of these foods than anyone else did. The overarching theme of Dan's song of Ina Garten hatred is not the actual taste of the finished product but more how asinine he finds that particular recipe to be. So here you are, Dan's bottom ten.
#1: Butternut Squash Soup
#1: Butternut Squash Soup
You guys asked for my top ten from the blog, so here we go! And I'm thinking that what you *really* want is actually the bottom ten, so I'll go ahead and give you those next week. That post will probably be A LOT funnier. While preparing to write this post, I had Dan flip through the cookbook to give me HIS top ten and he was all disgruntled as he did so and only came up with eight that he even liked at all. "I'm not a picky eater!" he insists. Yeah ok. Although to be fair, I've seen some cookbooks I would only make, like, one thing out of and plenty I'd make nothing out of, though sometimes that's because I find the chef so annoying. @ the Pioneer Woman. I just don't trust someone who puts sour cream in spaghetti and then bakes it. Plus all her recipe intros are about, like, Ladd or Tadd or whatever the heck her husband's name is "coming in from the fields starving for dinner". If I came in from working in a field and you tried to give me sour cream spaghetti, I'd be like, "How about a hot pocket instead? Thx." Anyway, this is not Dan's blog so these are not his top ten. You can ask him which ones he liked, but you'll end up in a long convo about how much he hates Ina Garten. Anyway, these are not ranked or anything, they're just in order from the cookbook.
So with that, #1: Juice of a Few Flowers
So with that, #1: Juice of a Few Flowers
It was Sunday afternoon and I thought to myself, "What a perfect time to make jam!" I mean, how positively quaint: just sitting in my home in suburbia, finished with weekend chores, relaxing with some knitting...why not? Why not make some jam? I mean, obviously my afternoon-kitchen-activity was directed toward jam-making because it was next up in the book BUT whatever, I was kind of excited! Also, this is the last recipe in this book!!! I'm still in the process of deciding what I'll do now, so if there's something you'd like me to make and tell you about in my own fashion - you know, with lots of tangents and jokes - please do let me know! I'll likely continue to tackle Ina content, but may start including some recipe faves and/or foods people text me about a lot! I get a lot of cake questions, a LOT of frosting questions (because meringue buttercream is bae and I've got everyone in my social circles who eats my food on board), and a lot of fish questions. So look for more food to come, even though this is the last recipe in Back to Basics.
We went to Publix to ItemQuest for this and Dan said, "Don't we already have strawberries???" And I had to confess that I had eaten them all because it's honestly amazing how good fruit can be when it's 1) in season, 2) somewhat local, and 3) not ludicrously expensive. I'm about to travel home to Alaska for about a month, and it's going to put a real damper on my current fruit-snacking habits when I go into Fred Meyer for some strawbs and they're like, $7/lb and already trying to be moldy. Also needed blueberries (partly for the jam, mostly for the snax), one Granny Smith apple, and more superfine sugar. Publix had all of these things, plus about a million old people 'cause Sunday + Publix = Old People City.
We went to Publix to ItemQuest for this and Dan said, "Don't we already have strawberries???" And I had to confess that I had eaten them all because it's honestly amazing how good fruit can be when it's 1) in season, 2) somewhat local, and 3) not ludicrously expensive. I'm about to travel home to Alaska for about a month, and it's going to put a real damper on my current fruit-snacking habits when I go into Fred Meyer for some strawbs and they're like, $7/lb and already trying to be moldy. Also needed blueberries (partly for the jam, mostly for the snax), one Granny Smith apple, and more superfine sugar. Publix had all of these things, plus about a million old people 'cause Sunday + Publix = Old People City.
I was glad Ina gave me something easy for this week, because I was packing for Alaska and just *did not have the time* to mess with hunting lobsters or weird cheeses from the internet or whatever. ItemQuest was fairly straightforward, just took Dan a trip to the liquor store next to the Publix for some limoncello. I grabbed this particular lemon curd in the British aisle of Publix; I think last time an Ina recipe called for lemon curd I bought it from Trader Joe's and it was DISGUSTING. I mean, truly awful. I would like to recommend making your own lemon curd if you have the time and the inclination. Ina's lemon curd recipe is phenomenal and it is one thing for which I can say she is truly correct: homemade is BETTER and store-bought is not at all as good. The most beloved cupcakes I have ever made were filled with Ina's lemon curd, and had the lemon curd mixed into the meringue buttercream frosting. HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!! Anyway, the rest of this was fruit that I had on hand, mint, and Greek yogurt which we did have to buy because I don't, as a rule, eat Greek yogurt of my own free will. It's chalky and disgusting.
Dates are something I honestly never even thought about until I did Whole 30. I have mentioned my Whole 30 experience several times over the course of this journey through Back to Basics, but if you're new to reading the blog, this is what happened: I did Whole 30 one time, just to prove that I could, because salvation-by-diet apologists were obsessed with it as the newest fad in righteous eating practices. It was a terrible experience; on top of hating every minute of it for myself and finding exactly zero wellness benefits, I also hated it for Dan who was not allowed to eat popcorn for 30 days. Dan is in love with popcorn; his addiction to it is almost at the level of my addiction to coffee. He gets rage-y without it. But anyway, Whole 30 recipes are big into dates as sweeteners and some of the things you can eat, like Lara Bars, are made with dates. Dates are impossibly chewy. I ate more of them in that 30 days than I ever wanted to, and now when I see them in recipes I can't help but think of that Whole 30. Fortunately for me, I got to begin this recipe by chopping TWO CUPS' worth of dates. Oh, they also kind of look like cockroach bodies, so there's that. The only thing I actually had to get at the store for this was oranges! I had everything else on hand, even Cointreau, thanks to many previous Ina recipes.
Alright so, I'm not the Muffin Man. I don't really make a whole lot of muffins, for a lot of reasons, one of the main ones being that on the rankings of breakfast foods they definitely do not crack the top five, maybe not even the top ten. If I have an option for a bagel or a waffle, I'll pick one of them over a muffin every single time. I also prefer cereal, cinnamon rolls, or *cue eye roll* avocado toast. I've just never risen from my slumber and been like, "You know what would really hit the spot right now? A MUFFIN." But!!! In recent months, since my friend Logan came into my life, I've been making muffins a lot more frequently because he really loves them. So the last blueberry muffins I made were from a 99cent Betty Crocker mix packet which he brought into my house and asked me sweetly to make, because they're what he grew up with and along with many preservatives, they are full of nostalgia for him. Here is Logan and me, preparing to mix the muffin batter. Out of respect (and to make up for the disrespect of rolling up with muffin mix), he wore one of my aprons. I will treasure this picture forever.
You guys...Ina has "a thing" about commercial granola bars. Her beef with them, apparently, is that they say they contain real fruit and nuts but that all she sees when she looks at the labels are like, ten different kinds of corn syrup. I'm going to go ahead and guess, just based on this, that none of the lunches her mom packed for her growing up contained any Fruit By the Foot. And surely if we introduced her to Gushers, she would die. This is a real shame. I also feel like this disdain for corn syrup is maybe just a tad self-righteous, coming from the woman whose frosting recipe calls for literally six entire sticks of butter. At that point, what's a little corn syrup to you really? People's nutritional hills-to-die-on really fascinate me (and also kind of annoy me sometimes) and the ones about sugar might get me the most. I feel like, at some point, sugar is sugar and whether you're baking with honey, white sugar, brown sugar, molasses, maple syrup, etc you're still probably making something that's not amazing for you so, in terms of sugar, why not just be in for a penny in for a pound, amirite? So while I'm on this topic, before I even get to the actual point (please, I know you're here for the tangents), I would like to just let anyone and everyone know that I'm absolutely not interested in your "healthy substitutes" for things that taste good in their original form. I do not WANT a chocolate chip pancake made out of bananas and grains you harvested in your field this morning. If I want a banana I will eat one, and if I want a chocolate chip pancake I will eat one, and that's that. And DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT come @ me with "cashew cheese". Just don't. I don't even think I should honor that concept with an explanation of why it's so wrong. If that's not self-evident, I can't help you.
So down to the granola bar ingredients. I rolled up to Kroger only to find that their already meager bulk bins had been EMPTIED because if you scoop dates into a bag and then someone else scoops dates into a bag, you might get the coronavirus. I'm glad they've taken the precaution of removing this shopping option, since I cannot resisting licking my hands after every grocery trip I make. Thankfully, they still had the lil tower of small containers of some of the weirder items right there in the organic section, which was where I was able to find dates. The rest of this stuff was on the baking aisle, with the exception of wheat germ which was, for some reason, with the cereal. I'm still kind of unclear on what wheat germ is actually used for by people, and the context of it being located on the cereal aisle makes me wonder even more. Do people eat it like grape nuts? Sprinkle it on stuff like how people like to do with nutritional yeast right now? ("It tastes just like cheese!" You know what else tastes like cheese? Actual cheese. You're welcome.) Anyway, I was very grateful that Kroger at least had everything I needed and I didn't have to go on a for real ItemQuest.
So down to the granola bar ingredients. I rolled up to Kroger only to find that their already meager bulk bins had been EMPTIED because if you scoop dates into a bag and then someone else scoops dates into a bag, you might get the coronavirus. I'm glad they've taken the precaution of removing this shopping option, since I cannot resisting licking my hands after every grocery trip I make. Thankfully, they still had the lil tower of small containers of some of the weirder items right there in the organic section, which was where I was able to find dates. The rest of this stuff was on the baking aisle, with the exception of wheat germ which was, for some reason, with the cereal. I'm still kind of unclear on what wheat germ is actually used for by people, and the context of it being located on the cereal aisle makes me wonder even more. Do people eat it like grape nuts? Sprinkle it on stuff like how people like to do with nutritional yeast right now? ("It tastes just like cheese!" You know what else tastes like cheese? Actual cheese. You're welcome.) Anyway, I was very grateful that Kroger at least had everything I needed and I didn't have to go on a for real ItemQuest.
At first I saw the pictures of this and thought, "YAY!!! Cinnamon rolls!" And then a couple of weeks ago, I actually tried making cinnamon rolls for the first time and realized that my inability to roll/shape/slice yeast doughs is still a thing. AND THEN I read this entire recipe and realized these get filled with raisins. So here we go!
ItemQuest was only dramatic because the stores just DID NOT have puff pastry sheets; I was only finding it in "shells". I tried Bi-Lo and Dan tried Food Lion before he finally located sheets at Publix. The rest of the ingredients, I already had on hand!
ItemQuest was only dramatic because the stores just DID NOT have puff pastry sheets; I was only finding it in "shells". I tried Bi-Lo and Dan tried Food Lion before he finally located sheets at Publix. The rest of the ingredients, I already had on hand!